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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 10, 2010 5:48am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Alabama Bound

I ask for your prayers and vibes as I travel to Alabama this month to visit my parents, my brother and my sister. We have only been together twice in 31 years for reasons I won't go into now. This will probably be the last time. Mom and Dad are quite elderly and at the end. Neither is well. Mom has dementia and Dad has given up the will to live. I can't imagine either one surviving without the other.. My heart is breaking.

"Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home"

Thanks!
Andy

"SkyDawg"

"My mama told me,
My Papa told me too..
That I shouldn't be here tryin' to sing these railroad blues"

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-10 12:48:04

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Poster: jerrys beard Date: Aug 10, 2010 12:26pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Prayers and understanding. Said my final goodbye three years ago and it is still painful. Keep my parent's ashes in my house (hope that is not too much at this point).

There were many years when we didn't get along, but tried to do my best in the end. Know right where you are at and am sending my best.

Always seek a reconciling spirit...if that is what is needed. Good thoughts coming your way.

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Poster: wineland Date: Aug 10, 2010 8:38am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Best wishes for your reunion. May it bring back fond memories and create new ones to hold and charish later.

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Poster: AshesRising Date: Aug 10, 2010 8:28pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

SkyDawg: I read your post much earlier today and still find no words of solace. I do know that "grace" exists in this world; may it touch your heart a few times during this difficult time.

"Big wheel turn....,
---- AshesRising

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Poster: user unknown Date: Aug 10, 2010 9:01am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Andy, positive thoughts, vibes and prayers to you my brother.

Peace to you and the family.

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Poster: vapors Date: Aug 10, 2010 1:34pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

SkyDawg, I send you all the good vibes and strength I can muster as you embark on this journey. Sounds like a pretty tough thing to do, but also something that needs to be done. Best of luck in your travels and reunion – hope that it may bring you some peace.

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Poster: Jack o' Roses Date: Aug 10, 2010 2:28pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Don't despair over the 'what-might-have-beens' my friend: focus on the wonderful opportunity to visit & interact with those who gave you a beginning in this here world.

Remember that "We'll meet again some day on the avenue,..."

Focus & interject as much love on the situation. Whether you're of the Judeo-Christian persuasion or not, try focusing on the 2 main laws of
1: Love God with all you mind, soul, & body &
2. Love others *just* as you love yourself (not more, not less). Things will work better if you try this while you are with them, IMVHO, whatever your persuasion/religion/philosophy

& no, I'm not a preacher- I just have a very strong faith &, as a scientist (PhD chemist), little tolerance for 'belief'-I say "try it & see if it works."

My prayers to you in this time of great potential to share love (Remember that "everything leads up to this day")
Avoid the selfish urge to feel regrets about the past & as Ram Dass said, "Be Here NOW"

With Peace & Love,
Jack

"May the *fore-winds* blow yours safely home..."

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Poster: deadpolitics Date: Aug 10, 2010 7:01pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

May your visit bring a release from any negative feelings you have between you and your parents. Get yourself a powder charge and seal that silver mine, so that you all can go forth into the next stages of your lives with inner peace. I wish that you will let all be forgiven and that your parents will do the same. Be strong, patient, wise, compassionate, and loving - everything will turn out for the best!

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 10, 2010 7:27pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

And stay in a hotel :) No, seriously.
Having had decades of therapy to help me deal with my parents, some of the best advice I ever got was this sort of practical advice. Being forgiving and compassionate etc. is easier if you can go back to the hotel afterwards.

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 12, 2010 4:24am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I have already sent out feelers in the "hotel" kind of trip, and THANK YOU for the suggestion! My niece turned out like me in the end- a "deadhead" and such, and I have arranged for her to be my guide!

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 11, 2010 9:29am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I would also rec. the hotel .

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 11, 2010 10:32am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

LOL and make sure it has a pool and hot tub.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Aug 10, 2010 1:11pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Good luck with it all, SD; and I know what you mean about one without the other...my mom passed within a yr of my dad, even though we thought it might be an opportunity for her to do more with kids and grandkids and such...just didn't work out.

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 10, 2010 5:16am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Good luck Sky Dawg. I'm going through similar stuff with my folks. (See them often now, though it hasn't always been happy.) It's a roller coaster emotionally.

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 10, 2010 6:01am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

A"roller coaster" is right. My Mom remembers things from decades ago, but still questions me on my flight schedule... She repeatedly asks "Just tell us when you are coming.." even though the flight information was booked by them.
"August 30 through September 6 Mom " But when are you coming! We need to know"
"August 30-September 6 Mom, I don't understand what the confusion is here?"
" But we need to know when you are coming?!"

"August 30-September 6 Ma.."
And so on and so on with frustration...

And on & on....

So sad.. I had to draft my niece as an interpreter... I hope someone is there to meet me at the airport at least...


This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-10 13:01:19

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Poster: RBNW....new and improved! Date: Aug 10, 2010 6:01am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

you are not alone ....thats what elderly parents do!!! mine are in their 80s and i get the same type of thing....hang in there...!!!!!!!

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 10, 2010 6:46am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Thank you! Mine are 88 and 85.
The end of the road I fear.

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Poster: ducats Date: Aug 10, 2010 5:51am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

you've seen your parents twice in 31 years and you're worried about yourself?

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 10, 2010 8:24am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

ducats , that was plain not nice .

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Poster: ducats Date: Aug 10, 2010 3:50pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I simply asked a question.

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Poster: robthewordsmith Date: Aug 10, 2010 3:56pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

And asking questions is a good way to learn things.

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 10, 2010 6:11am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

No way ducats!
I'm very worried about them though! And you know nothing about it.... Reserve your judgments for yourself amigo.

I don't care about myself at all... in spite of how my feeble writing skills came across
I just want to say my goodbyes.
I'm trying to gather good medicine and good vibes here.. I thought some of you here might understand. If I am out of line I apologize. I think (or thought) of this group as a sympathetic family, but I could be wrong.
Difficult to explain. Maybe judgment and sarcasm prevail here..
Thanks to the others for their kind wishes though..

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-10 13:07:27

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-10 13:11:57

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Poster: bluedevil Date: Aug 10, 2010 8:51am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound - best wishes

32 teeth in a jawbone

My dad has vascular dementia and it is a nightmare. Best wishes.

Could be many good reasons why one does not return to the comfy confines of 'Bama and home, and certainly not mine to judge, so just wishing you good luck on what is a farewell trip...

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Poster: ducats Date: Aug 10, 2010 3:50pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I simply asked a question.

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 12, 2010 3:36am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

No hard feelings ducats!

I took your question to heart and spent days meditating on it. We don't know each other, you don't know my story or family history, and I take the question as probing, (but uninformed); designed for soul-searching. This is a very painful time and I need to look into my own heart and make sure that my medicine, karma, and intent will be pure. This will be a spiritual journey, and so far I have been allowed to gather powerful medicine from my friends here, my friends now as well as my friends from the past. I thank all of you!

Be well, and may peace be unto you.

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-12 10:36:48

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 10, 2010 6:31am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

That definitely sounds like your mom has dementia.

I do understand what you're saying. People should refrain from judgment about other people's families when they have no idea what goes on - or went on in the past - in that family. Sometimes there are very good reasons to put some distance. I am sure going home after 30 years is not going to be easy at all - I wish you luck. I hope you're staying some place else. That is one thing that has saved my sanity many times. Simply stay in a hotel, if you can afford it.

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 10, 2010 8:25am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Andy , Prayers and safe passage , not just on the airplane . Be well . Sean

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 12, 2010 3:01am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Thanks Sean! I really appreciate your thoughts and for standing up for me. I enjoy your posts, and the references to my review of my favorite show as well. You are a kind brother and if you ever come to my side of the world in the Pacific, I would love to meet you my brother. Be well and thank you for your kind vibes!
None of us may be very good at things in this world, but there is one thing we all can do... be kind, be nice, and smile in any language.

"If you smile at me I will understand.:
Because that is something everybody, everywhere, does
In the same language."

"Wooden Ships"
Jefferson Airplane/CSN

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-12 10:01:55

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 12, 2010 5:29am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Though you may be walking through the valley , you are not alone Andy . Breathe . Take down time if you need to . Find a safe(r) place for the emotions. I , we , will be thinking of you .

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Poster: robthewordsmith Date: Aug 10, 2010 9:09am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I wish you luck. I hope that your strength, physical and mental, carries you through. And I hope that your farewells can be fond ones.

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Poster: high flow Date: Aug 10, 2010 9:56am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Forgive.

Best of Luck,

Andy B.(high flow)

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 12, 2010 4:19am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

ANOTHER "Andy" here! I'm stoked! Thank you Andy!!

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Poster: Dudley Dead Date: Aug 10, 2010 7:29am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

Whomever is able to cure dementia, and Alzheimer's , will get a great man .
I often think this is the worst . So often it can rob us of our compassion, force us to distance ourselves from those we loved .
My mother is 84, and is mentally fine , but in the last year has developed medical issues that are dangerous . My father is 89, at not as sharp as he once was, it is hard for me not to resent this downward slide,it is frustrating .
SkyDawg, my heart goes out to you . I wish you strength to deal with whatever you must .

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Poster: Finster Baby Date: Aug 10, 2010 4:48am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

All of the good vibes that I can muster are headed your way Andy!
I wish you and your family much peace during these very troubling times. I hope everything turns out for the best.

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Poster: TOOTMO Date: Aug 10, 2010 1:07pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

SkyDawg,

I am in Alabama (Jefferson County, to be precise, (6 miles south of Boutwell Auditorium (1978-12-15 and 1980-04-28) and 45 miles east of Tuscaloosa Coliseum (1977-05-17), to be even more precise,)).

Let me know if you need something. chop TWENTY-ONE TWELVE AT geeeeemail.com (not sure why we do that but it seems to be the protocol.)

TOOTMO

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Poster: SkyDawg Date: Aug 12, 2010 4:09am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Alabama Bound

I am not familiar with Alabama, since it's not where I came from, but if you are anywhere near Decatur that week, then maybe we can meet up. My niece is a DeadHead and my travel guide when I get there. Any chance of saying hello that week let me know!
alawson2 at hawaii dot rr dot com.

This post was modified by SkyDawg on 2010-08-12 11:09:14